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Author : Nazir Hussain
Stonehenge funny jokes competition is an annual event which
is held every year on the first weekend in the month of
March. It is a very popular event attended by people from
all over the world and across all walks & spheres of life.
This year there were a record number of people in
attendance: up by 30% over last year. Nearly 100,000 people
travelling to Stonehenge serves as a proof in itself that
the event is in big demand. People were, setting up their
camps, organising their humorous stalls; selling literature
on jokes, comedy, and even offering crash courses to would
be comedians over the weekend.
According to 2006 program, there was one West Country Comedy
school offering its services to help you realise your
ambitions to become a real comedian. We took advantage of
this offer and sent along James McDugal: our humorous/comedy
correspondence. He was put through a very intensive training
program for eight hours on Friday. He was given instructions
on style, delivery, posture, use of body language, voice and
gestures to enhance his message. He spent the following
morning actually putting into practice what he had learnt
the previous day in preparation for an entry into Stonehenge
one liner competition held on the Saturday evening. He was
scheduled to deliver his stomach crusher one liners at
9.00pm. Below is a list of James on liners. James had the
audience in stitches... He generated the greatest amount of
laughter because he fell flat on his fact as he walked onto
the stage... He broke the ice well... after that it was
piece of cake for him...
What happens when fish crosses an elephant? A swimming
trunk.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco? Because he had no
body to go with.
Why did the girl take crayons to her bed? To draw the
curtains.
What did the mother phone say to the baby phone? You are too
small to get engaged.
Why did the girl wear the ring on the wrong finger? To show
people she was married to the wrong man.
Why did the elephant eat the candle? Because he wanted a
light snack.
Have you heard the joke about butter? Don't spread it.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay
they would be baygulls.
What did the ground say to the earth quake? You crack me
up..
Why did the boy study in the aeroplane? Because he wanted
higher education.
What is the best time to go the bed? When the bed won't come
to you.
Why did the lobster blush? Because he saw the seaweed.
Why did the toilet paper go down the hill? To get to the
bottom..
Dad, son school joke...The dad said to his boy... How do you
like going to school? The going bit is fine, the coming back
bit is fine.. but I am not so keen on the bit in the middle.
There were 20 entrants in total and each comedian had 5
minutes to make their audience laugh. The deciding factor
amongst other things was the roar of the laughter. This one
factor was the clincher.. this alone determined the overall
winner of the Stonehenge "Joker of the Year 2006" ... After
the presentation which lasted for about an two hours.. The
judges made their decision and came back to announce it at
11pm.
Jo Gormely the president of the Stonehenge "Jokers" plc
said.. Ladies and gentlemen.. welcome to the Stonehenge...
Here are the results of tonight's competition in reverse
order...
Third place goes to "Tim Cutler".. from Australia. Tim was
presented with a brass trophy as well as a £1,000 winning
prize.
Second place goes to "Barker Wood"... from USA. Barker was
presented a silver trophy and £5,000 in prize money.
The overall winner of the "Stonehenge Jokers 2006"
competition is.. James McDugal. There was champagne .. there
was a Gold trophy and £20,000 in prize money.
Congratulations.. James ... Shouted the entire crowd because
his presentation was out of this world...
James success meant... Greener pastures.. He secured a good
contract with CBCN and has since moved on. We will not be
taking part in any future competitions for fear of losing
good staff to the Americans.. said our MD Bob Dogooder in an
internal memo.
Latest medical research suggests
laughing increases your life by a third. Nazir & Company at
www.j4jokes.com
are here to help you live long by supplying the laughing
material. Visit our site, read our material and take
advantage of our findings... and live longer.. Ahhhgggh ..ahahhhh
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